


now your pleasure's set upon slow release

by WinterSong



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Biology, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 12:08:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15751377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSong/pseuds/WinterSong
Summary: Unfortunately for Keith, they never covered the signs and symptoms of alien puberty in sex ed.





	now your pleasure's set upon slow release

It started so faintly, Keith didn't even realize it was happening at first. A slight buzzing under his skin, _nervous energy_ , he thought, a reflection of how stir crazy he was beginning to feel ever since being released from the hospital. It wasn't that he disliked being back on Earth, exactly, but he couldn't deny that he would rather be in space instead, taking the fight to the Galra and ending this war once and for all.

Unfortunately, they were a long way from that point, as Shiro kept telling him regretfully like he knew exactly what Keith was thinking. In order to be at full strength for the battles ahead, it was imperative that they fortify Earth as much as possible. The arrival of their various Coalition allies was a huge help, as was Kolivan and his mom setting up the Blade's first outpost in this reach of the universe. Everyone was working together to rebuild the Garrison and the surrounding city, and teams had been formed to help set up similar bases all around the planet. Shiro had really been busy, having been made the de facto leader of the Garrison and therefore of Earth's entire defense force, and Keith rarely saw him for more than a few minutes in passing on any given day.

Initially Keith thought the strange pinprick flush was maybe related to this, to him seeing Shiro so irregularly that his body forgot he had trained it not to react to Shiro's presence long ago. It...this _thing_ , whatever it was, had been growing in intensity the past few days, not enough to be a bother but also never subsiding completely, and it was starting to set Keith's teeth on edge. He had briefly considered bringing it up with the medical team in case it was a side effect of the explosion, but ultimately decided against it; the other paladins had said they felt as good as ever when he had asked if they were all completely recovered, and the last thing Keith wanted was to be stuck back in a hospital bed for who knew how long, being poked at and fielding the same boring questions every few hours.

So Keith kept quiet and focused on exercising instead, getting himself back into his usual shape in the Garrison's training yard. Lance would join him sometimes, although his performance varied greatly depending on whether Allura had said something to him that morning (when she had, he would have a perpetually dopey expression his face and was more prone to falling for Keith's feints while they sparred). Pidge and Hunk seemed to be spending all their time at Sam's side, building things and fixing things and basically making all the stuff that Keith already thought was cool even more awesome.

Other days Keith would stay with his mom and Kolivan, welcoming the new Blades that had come to Earth and training with them instead. Krolia looked happy here, and while Keith knew that Earth wasn't the same for her without his dad around, he was still quietly thrilled to be able to show her around the Garrison, to share more of his life with her. If they all had to stay on Earth for a while longer, Keith thought, this wasn't a bad way to spend their time. The only downside was that he hardly ever got to see Shiro, and the weird pulsing under his skin was not going away no matter how hard he trained; he had half hoped that he could get rid of it if he just pushed himself a little more, but regardless of his exhaustion he could still feel it when he fell into bed at night, an itch that was impossible to scratch.

A fortnight after Keith had been released from the hospital, he and the other paladins found themselves in a meeting with all the top Garrison officials, along with representatives from the Coalition parties that had now been well-established on Earth. Shiro was seated to his right, and though Keith knew he should be listening to what Iverson was saying, he found his eyes drifting instead to Shiro. The buzzing in his skin was now at the point of being distracting, but looking at Shiro seemed to help a little, and Keith was so desperate for relief that he didn't question it. Instead he turned slightly so that his body was facing the front of the room, allowing him to stare at Shiro more easily. Shiro was angled similarly, so Keith's gaze fell more on the back of his head than his face, although he could see Shiro stifle a yawn from time to time.

Keith allowed himself a small grin and imagined teasing Captain Shirogane later about his inattentiveness during important meetings, and as he was thinking about the way Shiro would probably laugh at this, eyes closed and head tilted back and the slightest blush spreading across his cheeks, he felt it. That pinprick sensation along his skin _jolted_ , and Keith let out a gasp before he could stop himself. Shiro turned minutely to face him, asking him with just his expression whether Keith was all right, and Keith nodded, lips pressed tightly together in case any other sounds tried to escape. Shiro frowned slightly but nodded as well, turning his seat back to face Sam, who was now presenting some newly-gathered intelligence.

Keith breathed out as quietly as he could. What had _that_ been about? He'd never before noticed his thoughts having any effect on...whatever it was, but it seemed unmistakable that it had responded to him thinking about Shiro. Biting his lip, he slid his gaze to Shiro once more, taking in the strip of skin between his white white hair and the dark officer's jacket that he wore, wondering how Shiro might react if Keith touched him there, if he would shiver or ask Keith to stop or let him keep going—

Keith suddenly realized what he was doing and snapped his eyes shut, knowing his face was flushed and that if he didn't get a handle on things his breathing rate was about to become noticeably quicker. He squeezed his hands into fists under the table and concentrated on slowing his breaths, trying to ignore the insistent thrumming under his skin. When he thought he could manage it he opened his eyes again, staring at Sam intently so he wouldn't be tempted to look at Shiro again.

What was _wrong_ with him? He hadn't let himself fantasize like that since he was a kid and Shiro was the most beautiful thing he'd laid eyes on. Shiro was still the most beautiful thing he'd laid eyes on, but Keith had spent a lot of time teaching himself not to react to it, restricting those thoughts to the sleepless nights he spent in bed with a hand on himself, and then banishing them completely. It had been years since he'd imagined anything more intense than holding Shiro's hand, so if he was thinking about touching Shiro, about trying to turn him on, here in the middle of a conference room surrounded by his teammates and their crucial allies and Shiro was _inches away from him_...something was going on.

Keith managed to hold himself together until the meeting was over, and as soon as they were dismissed he shot out of his seat and was out the door before Shiro could ask if he was okay. He wasn't okay, and he knew that Shiro looking at him with concern would only make him less okay. He ran all the way back to his room and collapsed against his door, breathing heavily and trying to get himself under control. Kosmo made a questioning noise from where he had been napping on the bed but Keith ignored him for the moment, closing his eyes and willing himself to calm down. His skin was still buzzing but he breathed slowly, carefully, _patience yields focus_.

After a few minutes Keith let out a shuddering breath and opened his eyes, evaluating his condition. He could see himself in the mirror on the opposite wall and to his relief he wasn't flushed as badly as he must have been earlier. His heart rate was steady, his breathing was calm, and if it hadn't been for that damned sensation under his skin, that buzzing, prickling, relentless pulse, he would have considered himself to be perfectly fine. Keith took in a large breath, held it, and then let it out. _Think_. There had to be a reason for this, and therefore a way to prevent it. Resolving to address it the following day, Keith spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in his room, pretending that he wasn't there when Shiro knocked softly at his door.

 

The next day Keith woke up early and went in search of Coran, who could usually be found tinkering with the Atlas to see if he couldn't give it a few more Altean features. Coran was delighted to see him, and after Keith had been roped into holding up a panel for 15 minutes so that Coran could adjust something in the wall behind it, he listened to Keith's plight, or at least as much of it as Keith was willing to share.

"A buzzing, prickling sensation that has been growing under your skin for more than a movement?!" Coran repeated, twirling his moustache agitatedly. "My goodness, Keith! And you haven't told anybody?"

"No, just you," Keith said, trying to keep his expression from revealing just how much he regretted this decision. "I was wondering if this was maybe some kind of...space sickness? Or something else that you might have heard of?"

Coran pressed his lips together for a few moments, apparently deep in thought. "I'm afraid not," he said eventually, giving Keith a sad look. "Now, if you had said you'd come over all angry, and then ecstatic, and then fearful, and you had blue dots spreading over your arms, then I'd know exactly what was wrong with you!"

"Uh," Keith said. Coran gazed at him expectantly, like he was waiting for Keith to ask about the mystery ailment. Keith's only thought was that he needed to get out of here. "Well, if that ever happens to me I'll be sure to come ask you about it. Anyway, gotta run, thanks for...uh," he said again, and quickly left the bridge before Coran could say anything in response.

Once he was off the ship he started wandering back towards the living quarters, thinking that he would try his mom next. Krolia had been all through the universe, after all, and there was chance she had heard of more types of illnesses than Coran had. Just as he entered the building's lobby, however, he ran into Hunk.

"Oh, hey, we were just looking for you!" said Hunk. "We got called into another meeting, Garrison and Voltron only."

"Great," Keith sighed, trying not to let too much of his frustration show. The buzzing was hardly any better than it had been yesterday; if Keith had to hazard a guess, he would say that the sensation was actually more insistent now.

Hunk was watching him closely. "Hey," he said quietly, "I know this can't be easy for you."

"What?" Keith said, snapping his head up. Where was this going?

"You know," Hunk continued, looking down at his feet, "the rest of us - I mean, me and Lance and Pidge - we all had people to come back to. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, being back here."

 _Oh._ Despite his mood, Keith felt himself smiling. Hunk was a good guy. "It's okay. It really hasn't been that bad. I've got my mom with me now, and I didn't hate it at the Garrison, even though that's what everyone seems to think."

Hunk smiled back at him. "That's good to hear! And you and Shiro were friends while you were here, right? It's gotta be nice being back here with him!"

"Yeah..." Keith said, trying to keep the smile on his face and failing. Shiro. His skin gave another pulse just at the thought of his name. He really needed to fix this.

Hunk was starting to look concerned so Keith forced the smile back on. "Anyway, we should get to that meeting, right?" he said, turning to head back outside. Hunk fell into step beside him.

"Yeah," he said, glancing over at Keith. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Keith replied. He started taking deeper breaths, trying to bring his mind into focus. Just one meeting, then he'd find Krolia. He could do this.

 

He couldn't do this. He'd had some hope, right before he entered the meeting room, that if he could only get a seat further away from Shiro he might be all right, but as soon as he walked in that hope was dashed.

"Keith!" Shiro said, approaching Keith from where he'd been waiting by the door. "How are you feeling?" He gave Keith's shoulder a quick squeeze and Keith felt like he'd been given an electric shock instead, one that ran through him from head to toe and left his skin buzzing even more than it had been before.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said shakily, not wanting to dislodge Shiro's hand but not sure he could take another second of physical contact. Fortunately Shiro pulled his arm back, but he gave Keith a worried look.

"Here, come sit down," Shiro said, and to Keith's horror he pulled out the same seat Keith had been sitting in yesterday, the one right next to Shiro's own. As much as Keith wanted to sit on the opposite side of the room, he couldn't handle making Shiro any more concerned, so he gave him a tight smile and walked over to the chair, wondering how he was going to make it through this meeting. His whole body was tingling now and he felt so _warm_ , like the buzzing had moved into his blood and was pushing it all towards the surface.

Shiro continued to shoot Keith worried looks as Sam got up to begin the briefing, seeming to take in Keith's quickened breathing and the way his fists were clenched on the arms of his chair. Keith wished he wouldn't; the longer he had Shiro's face in view, the harder it was to stop thinking about licking him. _Licking him?_ That was weird, he'd never had a fantasy like that before, but it was undeniable that he wanted to do it. He could do it right there, even, hold Shiro down in his seat and lick him from his chin to his temple, behind his ear, down to his neck...

Keith suddenly became acutely aware that his mouth was watering. He swallowed nervously, and as he did so he felt something _off_ about his mouth, like his teeth were the wrong size and shape. That couldn't be good, he thought, and immediately he wondered how it would feel to sink those teeth into Shiro's neck, just open his mouth there and bite down and maybe Shiro would like it, maybe he'd gasp and moan and clutch at Keith's head to keep him there, begging Keith to do it again and again—

"Keith?" he heard, and he wrenched his eyes open. _When did I close my eyes?_ he thought wildly, but oh, no, Shiro was looking at him and that was definitely concern on his face, could he tell what Keith had been thinking?

Keith opened his mouth, tried to say he was fine, but instead released a breath like it had been punched out of him. He realized distantly that he was _shaking_ , trembling worse than he ever had from a fever, and everyone was looking at him and Shiro, _Shiro_ was crouching down in front of him, trying to look at his face, and Keith was terrified at what he must be seeing there, maybe he could see the blood pulsing under Keith's skin, Keith could certainly feel it, and

"Keith!" Shiro said sharply, scared, and when Keith opened his eyes again all he saw was Shiro's face, Shiro's eyes, Shiro's expression of total shock and he was dimly aware that he was growling in the back of throat and he was definitely hard, oh no _oh no_

Suddenly he was on his feet, Shiro had hoisted him up but he was too close, Keith could smell him and he still wanted to bite him, what was happening, Shiro was pushing him towards the door, "Carry on without us," Keith heard him say, and then they were out in the hallway, Keith stumbling next to Shiro as Shiro practically carried him into the nearest bathroom and

"Hey, hey, easy now, breathe," Shiro was saying this and Keith was trying to listen, trying to control his breaths but he _wanted_

A splash of water brought him back to himself. Keith blinked and found that he was bent over a sink and Shiro was splashing his face, continuing to tell Keith to breathe in a low, soothing tone. Keith gripped the edge of the sink hard until his body stopped shaking. His blood was still pulsing unnaturally but his thoughts were starting to return to normal. He took in a breath, held it, breathed out again.

"There, good," Shiro was still saying. "You're okay."

Was he? Keith wanted to laugh and almost did. He felt like some wild animal and part of him wanted to tell Shiro to run, to save himself from whatever it was Keith was becoming. Shiro was rubbing his back and it felt too good, it felt like everything he'd ever wanted.

Shaking his head slightly, Keith took another deep breath and then raised his face to the mirror, where he saw a pair of Galran eyes looking back at him.

"Ahhhh!" he yelled, jerking away so quickly that he fell. Shiro immediately knelt at his side.

"It's okay, Keith, it's okay," he said, and now Keith really did laugh, bitterly and pained. He slowly got to his feet and looked in the mirror again. His eyes had changed, grown larger and rounder and taking on the yellow hue that was characteristic of the Galra. Remembering something, he opened his mouth and yep, there were the fangs there now, explaining what he'd felt earlier. _Great._

He looked over at Shiro and was grateful that while he still looked concerned, he didn't seem frightened or disgusted. Keith could only imagine how he must have appeared in that meeting room, panting and clawing at his chair and sporting Galran features. It had probably looked like he was transforming.

"Maybe it's like being a werewolf?" Keith said in the most lighthearted voice he could muster, and thankfully it made Shiro laugh, though his eyes were serious when he finished.

"Look, Keith, it seems like you're going through something right now, so I am hereby relieving you of your Voltron duties for the next few days," he said quietly. "You should go talk to Krolia and see if this is something she can help you with."

Keith nodded grimly. It was for the best, but Keith still felt a rush of shame over whatever was happening with his body; Shiro believed in his leadership abilities more than anyone, so if he thought that Keith's current state posed a risk to the team then this really was something serious. Shiro looked sympathetic, and he walked over to Keith and squeezed his shoulder. _Oh no_. Just like before, that friendly contact was enough to send another of those full body shocks through Keith, and the erection that had been dying down suddenly surged back into being. _Good thing the cadet coats are so long_ Keith thought, biting his lip and looking into Shiro's eyes, hoping this would make sure Shiro didn't look at his body.

It seemed to work. Shiro was wearing an apologetic expression, but he didn't look away from Keith's face when he said "I need to get back in there, but please let us know if there's anything we can do to help. We're all here for you, Keith."

"Thanks," Keith said, and he smiled as he ducked out of Shiro's hold. "I'll be fine, I'm just gonna take a few minutes here and then go find my mom."

He kept the smile on his face until Shiro left the room, then fell back against the wall, letting all his muscles go slack. He really hoped that Krolia could help, because if he didn't get whatever this was under control the team was going to need to find a new Black Paladin. He stayed like that for a few moments, ignoring the persistent buzzing that was still there, and then stood up and left to make his way to the living quarters, keeping his eyes on the ground so he wouldn't catch another glimpse of his new face in the mirror.

 

"Come in!" Krolia called when Keith knocked on the door, and he entered to find her transcribing a report for Kolivan. "Just give me a tick," she said, throwing a quick glance over her shoulder before turning back to her desk.

Keith waited for her to register what she had seen, and when she did he saw her eyes go wide. "Keith!" she said, jumping up from the desk so quickly that her chair clattered to the floor. In the next moment she was standing in front of him, running a hand over his face. "Oh, Keith," she murmured, and her eyes swept up to his and held them.

The kindness in her voice caused a lump to rise in Keith's throat. "Mom," he said shakily, "what's happening to me?"

Krolia sighed. "Here, let's sit down," she said, and led him over to the bed. Kosmo was curled up at the end of it, and Keith reached out to pet him, trying to alleviate some of the dread that he was feeling.

When he looked up at Krolia she was biting her lip, seemingly at a loss for what to say. She opened her mouth, paused, and then closed it again, looking troubled. Keith was starting to feel like he was going to shake out of his own skin. "Mom?" he said again, and this seemed to snap her out of it.

"Well," she said, "I'm sorry I never mentioned this to you before, but I truly did not think that it would happen to you. I thought that your human half would prevent it."

"So this is something that happens to every Galra?" Keith asked. He was thankful beyond belief that Krolia seemed to know what was going on without him having to explain it; they had grown quite close during their time in the Quantum Abyss, but that didn't mean he ever wanted to have a conversation about sex with her.

Krolia nodded. "It comes in our twenty-first year, and is a sign that we have reached our full maturity."

Keith breathed a sigh of relief. "Then this is fine, right? I just need to wait for it to go away and then I'll be back to normal!"

"Go away?" Krolia said, and now she looked worried. Keith felt his stomach drop. "Keith, it won't just go away. Surely you have realized that it is pushing you towards sexual relations, since that is the only thing which will stop it."

"...oh," Keith said, feeling his face burn. That wasn't good. It wasn't like he'd never considered having sex, but ever since his teenage years he'd only ever wanted it with Shiro; as he knew that would never happen he had forced himself to stop having those pathetic fantasies over time, and his attitude around the Garrison had ensured that no one else ever approached him. The thought of trying to find someone to have sex with now was almost comical.

"If I don't, will I feel like this for the rest of my life?" he asked.

Krolia looked at him sharply. "Keith, you don't understand," she said. "You _must_ do this, or you won't have a rest of your life."

Keith stared at her in horror. "You mean..."

"Yes," she said softly. "If you do not fulfill the urge it is a sign that you have not matured, and your body will cease functioning."

"No offense, but that's ridiculous," Keith said, feeling like he was on the verge of utter hysteria. "I have to have sex with someone or I'm gonna _die_? What the hell is this?!"

"You will _not_ die," Krolia said, her eyes boring into his with a frightening intensity. "And it is not just anyone; you must complete the act with one who you care for, and who cares for you in return."

That startled a laugh out of Keith. "What? Why?" he said. "If it's just a biological urge, why does it matter if we care about each other or not?"

"Because it is not simply a biological urge. If you are unable to form close bonds with others, you cannot be trusted to fight for the Galra. Such an attitude indicates that you will always prefer to save yourself rather than risking your all for your people." Krolia paused, then said "At least, that is what they told us in school. But ignoring this aspect of it is as good as submitting to death, so you will need to find a suitable person with whom to have sex, and it must result in mutual pleasure."

Keith became aware that his eyes were far too wide, so he blinked a few times and then ran his hands through his hair. How had his life turned into such a nightmare?

"Keith," Krolia said gently, and he looked up at her again. "There is something else I must warn you about. Can you remember when exactly you began feeling this way?"

Keith cast his mind back, trying to remember. It had been at least two weeks, he thought, since he'd had the unsettling buzzing feeling ever since he left the hospital. _No_ , wait, had it started even before he left? Frowning, he said "I don't know...two, maybe three weeks? I didn't realize anything was happening at first."

Krolia suddenly seized his arm, her eyes wide with shock. "Three weeks?" she said, and there was a tinge of panic to her voice. "Keith, why didn't you come to me sooner? There is a time limit for this."

"What?!" he yelped. Great, this was just getting better and better. "How much time do I have left?"

Krolia shook her head, biting her lip again as she thought. "If it has really been as long as you say, I wouldn't risk waiting any longer than five days." Her tone was so urgent that Keith held back his initial reaction of wanting to ask if this was a joke. Krolia would never joke about something this grave.

"Oh," he said quietly. So he had five days to convince someone that he cared about to have sex with him, or else he was going to die. The day couldn't possibly get any worse.

A knock sounded on the door, and before Krolia had even called for the person to enter Keith knew who it was. His skin was suddenly on fire, and it was almost like Keith could _feel_ him, even from several feet away. It just wasn't fair.

Shiro took a few steps into the room and stopped, looking over at the two of them. Keith wondered if he could feel the tension in the air, and then he wondered how quickly he could get his tongue in Shiro's mouth. He snapped his eyes shut to try and stop the thoughts from coming but it was too late, Shiro was there and even if Keith couldn't see him he could _smell him_ , and

"Sorry for barging in," Shiro was saying, "I just wanted to see how Keith was doing and if there's any way at all that I can help."

Krolia put a hand on Keith's shoulder, and this touch was grounding enough that he was able to look up and at least try to give Shiro a comforting smile. "I'm okay, thanks," he said. He was shaking again.

"We have a few more things to discuss, but thank you for stopping by, Shiro," Krolia said. She was trying to get him to leave, Keith realized, and the rush of love and gratitude he felt for her was nearly enough to overcome his embarrassment that she had almost certainly realized the effect that Shiro had on him.

Keith didn't even remember closing his eyes again, but his body was so attuned to Shiro that it was like he could feel him nod. "All right," he said. "I'm sure you know already, but I'm just on the next floor if you need anything. Feel better soon, Keith."

Keith didn't know if Shiro was looking at him but he nodded anyway, and he listened as Shiro walked away and closed the door behind him. The further away he got the easier it became for Keith to breathe, so he focused on that for a few seconds before looking up at Krolia.

The smile on her face said that if the situation weren't so dire she would have been laughing. "This certainly makes things easier," she said lightly.

Keith scowled. "No. Not him," he said. He thought if it came down to it he really would rather die than ever ask Shiro to have sex with him.

"Keith..." Krolia started, but Keith interrupted her.

"I'll find someone, okay? It's not like I'm giving up. I just...I can't. Not with him."

Krolia looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead just gave him a short nod. "There are many people who care about you here, Keith. I know you'll be just fine." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Keith's head, and though Keith's stomach was churning thinking about what he needed to do, the simple joy of having his mother around to comfort him was enough to put a real smile on his face.

After a few more minutes sitting in silence, Krolia patted him on the back and then went to pick up her chair and sit down again at the desk, returning her attention to her abandoned report. Keith sighed and lay back on the bed until his head was resting against Kosmo's side. He would figure this out. He had to. Kosmo made a whining noise and Keith chuckled, turning a bit so he could pet the wolf's head.

Tomorrow, he decided. He'd do it tomorrow.

 

As it turned out, the thought of approaching a teammate to ask them to have sex did not become any easier after a full night's sleep. Not that Keith had exactly had a full night's sleep; knowing the solution to his problem had seemed to put his brain into overdrive, and thoughts of Shiro had kept him gasping and on edge until the early hours of the morning. Keith had held out as long as he could, but when he at last gave in and touched himself he was frustrated to find that no matter what he did, he couldn't get himself to come; it seemed that even this small bit of relief was not possible with his body in this state.

It had been a few hours since Keith had given up on trying to sleep, and he had mostly managed to get rid of his erection and was able to stop his limbs from shaking. His skin was still buzzing, and Keith was certain that it was steadily getting worse. He felt jittery and feverish, and with every breath his entire body throbbed. All of Krolia's dire warnings now seemed entirely possible, and Keith imagined that the way this weird Galran thing killed was by burning you up from the inside out.

 _That's not going to happen_ , he told himself sternly. Though it still surprised him at times to think of, he was now surrounded by people who genuinely cared about him, and he was sure that at least one of them would agree to help him out. (Sometime during his long night it had struck him what might have happened if Shiro had never crashed an escape pod in the desert, if Keith had never gone to space or met his mom, if he had made it to the age of 21 alone and friendless and died in his empty house without understanding why his eyes were yellow and he had a fever he couldn't break. Maybe in an alternate reality it _did_ happen. The idea had made him shiver.)

He glanced at his bedside clock and saw that it was only just half past six; Hunk and Lance were surely still asleep, but Pidge and Allura were probably awake, possibly having a quick breakfast before diving into whatever tasks they had for the day. _And what were those?_ , Keith wondered. Abruptly it occurred to him that he knew absolutely nothing about the status of their mission, since he hadn't been able to pay attention during the previous two meetings. Keith sighed; some leader he had turned out to be. If only he had sought out the reason for his body's abnormal behavior sooner, he could have already resolved it and been back in action.

He remembered Shiro telling him that he was relieved of Voltron duty for the time being, and wondered how the others had reacted when Shiro informed them. Plenty of people in the Garrison already had cause to doubt Keith's competence as a leader; he could imagine what his sudden absence would seem like to them. Frowning, Keith sat up, more determined than ever to fix this.

All he needed to do, he thought, was go find someone, and...

Closing his eyes, Keith let out a groan, circling back around to how impossible this all seemed. His fellow teammates did care about him, he knew that, but there was a huge difference between caring about someone and being willing to have sex with them. Not to mention how much younger most of them were now; was it even allowed? And did he dare to broach the subject even if it were? In his mind's eye, Keith imagined walking up to Allura, looking at her with his Galran eyes and revealing his Galran fangs when he spoke, and asking if she could possibly bring herself to have sex with him to save his life.

He snorted. It was absurd, completely and utterly absurd. He couldn't imagine the conversation going any better with the other paladins, but who did that leave? He liked Romelle well enough, but he didn't think he cared about her in a way that would satisfy his biology. Coran might agree to it if Keith stressed that he would die otherwise, but then they would both have to somehow live with that memory, and Keith didn't know if he was strong enough for that. He briefly considered Matt Holt, but like Romelle, he wasn't sure if his feelings for Matt were sufficient.

With a sinking feeling, Keith found himself drawn to the conclusion that he had been avoiding for the past twelve hours, something that was as unacceptable as it was inevitable: Shiro. It had to be Shiro, but it _couldn't_ be Shiro, because Keith might get to keep his life but he'd lose his heart in the process. He loved Shiro with everything that he was, but he had long ago accepted that Shiro loved him as a friend and only a friend, so Keith had clung to that friendship fiercely. To reveal the depth of his true feelings to Shiro would be to ruin everything that existed between them, and Keith wasn't sure if he could survive in a world where Shiro distanced himself from Keith until they couldn't even be called acquaintances, let alone friends.

No, that wasn't quite right. Keith knew Shiro well enough to know that Shiro _wouldn't_ distance himself, at least not on purpose. But it would add a horrible undercurrent to all of their interactions, with Shiro afraid to do anything that would risk getting Keith's hopes up, and Keith feeling guilty for placing this burden on Shiro in the first place. It would eat away at them, slowly but surely, and in the end the result would be the same.

Keith grimaced and looked at the clock again; it was seven. More people would be waking up, gathering in the mess hall to eat before heading out to the city for another day of repairs, or construction, or any number of other projects. If Keith wanted to seek out his teammates privately he really should get going soon, or else the entire Garrison was going to see him flushed and sweaty with big yellow eyes, something he wanted to avoid at all costs.

Biting his lip, Keith thought about it some more. It was already too late to entirely escape notice if he left his room now; maybe it would be better to wait? It's not like he had even figured out if there was a reasonable alternative to asking Shiro yet, and the last thing he wanted was to end up having this conversation with someone completely unrehearsed. What he needed to do was stay put until he had a solid plan in place, and then he could go later tonight or early the following morning. He just needed to work something out first, that was all.

His body gave a particularly strong pulse then, as though to remind him of the stakes involved and that his time was running out. But really, Keith told himself as he lay back down, he had at least four more days; surely it was better to think things through. If he had to spend another day in his room with his skin on fire so be it.

Keith didn't mean to sleep, but the tension and restlessness of the past few days were catching up to him, and he found himself falling in and out of a fitful sleep as he waited for some idea to come to him. It was eight-thirty, and then it was ten, and then around 11:45 Kosmo appeared in the room with his trademark flash, a package tied around his neck and a note in his mouth.

Keith reached out to pat his head and then took the note, feeling a dopey smile spread across his face once he saw who it was from. His body thrummed.

 _'Keith,'_ Shiro had written, because of course it was him, _'Krolia said you probably aren't hungry but I asked Hunk to make you some food anyway, just in case. I hope you feel better soon. Please let us know if there's anything you need.'_

Keith rolled back over, fighting to keep the smile from growing any bigger and failing. He had an image of Shiro running around all morning, first visiting Krolia for an update on Keith's condition, then tracking down Hunk, writing this note, and finding Kosmo to help deliver everything. It was impossibly sweet, and exactly what Keith didn't want to be thinking about while his blood seemed on the verge of bursting through his veins. It would be so easy to tell Kosmo to go back and bring Shiro himself here, to let Shiro fuss over him and press a hand to his forehead and say soothing words to him, and maybe, just maybe Keith would be able to tell Shiro what he needed, and Shiro wouldn't be taken aback, or disgusted, or fearful, or anything else that Keith was worried about, maybe Shiro would smile, and lean down to kiss him, and tell him that he loved him—

Groaning loudly, Keith brought his hands up to his face and pressed them against his closed eyes until the pain was enough to bring him out of the fantasy. Shiro was a good friend, and a good leader, and he would have done this much for any one of them. Keith sat up, his body pulsing almost angrily, and beckoned Kosmo over so he could remove the food package. Keith hadn't said anything to Krolia about this but she was quite right, he wasn't hungry at all. He supposed that this...biological imperative had taken over the normal functions of his body, because now that he thought about it he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten anything and it didn't seem to be affecting him they way hunger should.

 _I guess if you can't fulfill the urge and die anyway, there's no point in wasting someone else's food_ , he thought. It was the Galran way: victory or death.

Keith stood up shakily and walked over to his desk, finding a scrap of paper and a pen. He wrote _'Thanks, Shiro'_ and left it at that, not sure if it would even be possible to convey the full amount of his gratitude in words. Crouching down, he handed the paper to Kosmo, who took it in his mouth and gave Keith an inquisitive look.

"Take it back to Shiro, okay?" Keith said, giving the wolf one last scratch behind the ears. Kosmo nudged Keith's hand affectionately and then vanished with a flash, leaving Keith to his muddled thoughts. He moved the food to his desk and then climbed back into bed, holding Shiro's note to his chest like it was the most precious thing in the world.

 _'Please let us know if there's anything you need.'_ If he only knew, Keith thought, and he hesitated for just a moment before surrendering to the fantasies that his body seemed all too eager to drown him in. The day was only halfway done but Keith felt as though he'd already wasted it, and he was just so tired of fighting the pulsing in his skin for control of his mind. Better to just give in for a little while, and then he could start to seriously consider a plan.

There was a distant apprehension growing in the back of his mind but Keith pushed it away, told it he still had time, and sank into an imaginary Shiro's embrace.

 

When there were two days remaining before his death, Keith had to admit that he was completely out of his depth. He hadn't gotten out of bed since writing that note back to Shiro, and though Kosmo had flashed into his room three times since then, Keith had just curled further into himself and ignored whatever was being sent to him until Kosmo disappeared again.

The problem was that the intensity of his body's pulsing was now completely overwhelming, and Keith hardly had the energy to think of anything except how hot he was and how much it felt like he was about to explode. Whenever he managed to turn his thoughts away from his physical discomfort he was quickly thrown into sex fantasies instead, and while those provided some slight amount of pleasure it was hard to discount how even those seemed to be falling apart at the seams now. Keith felt like he had a fever in each individual cell of his body, and his thoughts quickly collapsed in on themselves with seemingly no order and nothing holding them together.

In the few lucid moments that Keith could scrape together, he realized that he was terrified. The accelerated pitch of this _thing_ made him feel like he really was dying, and he did not want to die. It was time for him to do something; he just needed to tell someone, _anyone_ who cared about him, and let the consequences be what they would be.

Keith started trying to control his breathing, needing something to focus on, something he could use to pull himself back from the brink. After a few breaths he realized it wasn't working; the air was too thick in here. _Too thick?_ Did that even make sense? Keith didn't know but that was how it seemed to him, the air was thick with the smell of his sweat and the taste of his misery and the senseless, helpless _longing_ underneath it all and he needed to get out, he couldn't think he couldn't breathe

He was out in the hallway and it felt weird to be standing up, weird but good and hey, he had energy now! He didn't know where it was coming from but he needed to move, he was running, fast fast faster and he wasn't wearing shoes, oh fuck he was still in his pajamas wasn't he? But it didn't matter, he was running and he felt giddy and he let out a great whoop of laughter and there were people around, someone looked up, he thought he heard his name but it didn't matter, he was

Outside now and it was bright, why was it so bright, something was wrong with his eyes, he stopped for a moment, breathing hard and there was a shout behind him, no, he needed to keep moving, he ran and ran and _where was a hoverbike when you needed one_

Oh, he was standing next to a Garrison car, that would work, and then he was in and starting it up and wow, these things could go _fast_ if you wanted them to, and he laughed out loud and drove and drove and drove

Keith blinked. He was staring at his old house out in the desert. _How did I get here?_ he thought, confused, and then he turned around and saw the car, one tire busted and door hanging open from where he must have just climbed out of it. Why couldn't he remember taking it? Hadn't he just been lying in bed?

Well, at least the air was a little fresher out here, maybe he'd be able to think more clearly. He walked up to his house (wincing at the hot sand against his bare feet) and pushed open the door, feeling immediately more relaxed as he entered. Everything was exactly the way he had left it more than a year ago in its own timeline, three years ago for him. He should bring Krolia here, he realized, wondered why she hadn't mentioned it. This had been her home too.

Wearily, he made his way to the couch and fell onto it, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. There would probably be hell to pay back at the Garrison, if he even survived long enough to face it.

Wait.

Keith sat up with a gasp, staring around himself in horror. He was going to die in two days and everyone he cared about was back at the base! What was he doing out here? He stood up, already trying to figure out how far he could get with a flat tire and wondering if the car had any kind of communication device in it when he heard it: the distant sound of an engine, coming steadily closer.

A kind of petrified calm settled over Keith. He had a feeling he knew exactly who that was, and it struck him that maybe the seclusion his house offered was the best thing he could hope for. He would just explain his situation to Shiro as composedly and rationally as he could, and Shiro would either agree to help Keith himself or he could go back and bring someone else. Keith was past caring at this point, he just needed it all to stop.

A few minutes later the vehicle pulled up outside the house and the engine was killed, leaving everything silent. Keith stood shivering in the middle of the room, waiting for the door to open and then suddenly he could _feel_ it, the way that the air itself seemed to bend towards Shiro, a star bringing everything into orbit, and Keith felt a surge run all the way through him.

Shiro stepped into the room and whatever Keith had been expecting didn't prepare him for the look on his face, fear and worry and concern and Keith almost wanted to laugh, almost wanted to cry, he never wanted to make Shiro look like that but there he was, chasing Keith across a desert to try to help him and he didn't even _know_ —

"Keith," Shiro said softly, and Keith was shaking, the only thing holding all his molecules together was a single thought, that he needed to tell Shiro before he lost control completely, and Shiro was making his way towards Keith slowly, like Keith was a frightened animal and Keith felt like one, he thought he might be crying and in the back of his mind he had already pushed Shiro to the ground and was biting at his lips, _no_ , that wasn't right, he needed to tell him first

A hand on his shoulder and Keith gasped, the force from that touch set his entire body alight, and Shiro was looking at him, really _looking_ and Keith wasn't even going to be able to say anything, he couldn't, did he even know how to talk anymore?

"Keith, please," Shiro said, and he was rubbing Keith's arm and he couldn't have any idea how distracting that was, how it made Keith want to arch into that touch and Shiro said "What's wrong? What can I do?" and

Keith took a breath and gathered all his strength and stepped back, stepped away and it felt like dying, losing the weight of Shiro's hand against his skin but he had to, he _had to_ , he kept moving until he hit a wall and pressed himself against it, blinking up at Shiro and Shiro looked so hurt and confused and Keith had done that, he hated it, he wanted Shiro happy, wanted Shiro squirming underneath

No. _Focus_.

He closed his eyes, felt himself trembling against the wall and tried to hold on to that feeling, took a deep breath, and then another. Opened his eyes.

"Shiro," he said, and it was instantly obvious that he hadn't spoken in days, his throat was dry and his voice sounded like rocks being ground into dust. He licked his lips, tried again. "Shiro, you...don't need to...but I need..." He closed his eyes again, frustrated. Why couldn't he get the words out?

He could feel it when Shiro took a step forward, and then another, and then he was in front of Keith and Keith couldn't help it, he _moaned_ , just the feeling of standing so close to Shiro and being able to smell him was so so good, and Shiro was laying a hand against his face and Keith pushed into it, nuzzled against it and moaned again and Shiro, Shiro was saying something, Keith couldn't understand, he didn't want to, just wanted Shiro to keep touching him but the hand disappeared and Keith opened his eyes

"Keith." Shiro looked as serious as Keith had ever seen him and he was trying to pull himself together, he was, but Shiro was _right there_ , Keith could just reach out, tried and Shiro caught his hands, held them tight and Keith couldn't look away from his eyes.

"Keith, is this what you need?" Shiro said, and then, _oh_ , he stepped completely into Keith's space, slid a leg in between Keith's own and Keith's head fell back against the wall, yes, yes, finally—

" _Yes_ ," Keith choked out, and he yanked his hands out of Shiro's grasp and grabbed the back of Shiro's head and pulled him in and yes, _finally_ kissed him, kissed him the way he'd always wanted to, deep and bruising and he was standing on his toes, trying to get closer, and Shiro's arms were around his waist, he was pulling Keith in too and kissing him _back_ and yes, oh god, _yes_

Shiro turned his face away to take in a shuddering breath and Keith pressed his mouth to Shiro's neck instead, licking the sweat away and then licking his own spit away, sucking and sucking and Shiro was gasping in his ear, saying Keith's name over and over and Keith liked that, he really did, and then he remembered something from what seemed like another life and opened his mouth a little wider and bit down—

Shiro yelled, he actually _yelled_ , and he grabbed Keith a little tighter and Keith wanted Shiro to put his hands lower so he reached behind himself and pushed until one of the hands was grabbing at his ass and yeah, that was better, Keith could hear himself growling and he didn't care, he needed more of Shiro's neck to bite, more of Shiro's ragged breaths in his ear, more more _more_

"Keith, Keith," Shiro was saying, and Keith had pulled his collar away and was scraping his fangs over the skin there when Shiro pulled back a little, just enough to make Keith look up at his face and he almost whined, why was Shiro making him stop? But Shiro's face was flushed a bright red and seeing that was almost worth not getting to taste him because it looked amazing, Shiro looked amazing, Keith swayed into him and kissed his chin, ran his hands down Shiro's chest, wanted to see if the rest of him was flushed too.

Shiro laughed and took a half step back, enough to break the contact of their bodies and Keith did whine that time, it was so good and he didn't want to stop but Shiro put his hand up to Keith's face again and Keith leaned into it with a sigh, looked up at Shiro and saw his eyes shining.

"Bed?" Shiro said, and Keith barely knew what that meant, he didn't care, he'd go anywhere, do anything if he could just see Shiro looking at him like that, so he nodded and then put his mouth back on Shiro's neck, and Shiro took another step back but this time he took Keith with him and Keith didn't know where they were going, he just wanted to keep touching Shiro.

They came to a stop and then Shiro wasn't in front of him anymore, Keith blinked and Shiro was sitting on something (oh, right, bed) and Keith didn't hesitate, he pushed Shiro down and climbed on top of him and _oh_ , this was better, this was _much_ better, Shiro's warm body underneath his own and Shiro's bright face looking up at him and the collar of Shiro's jacket was still in the way so Keith pulled at it and it wouldn't budge so Keith whined and pulled harder and

Shiro put his hands on top of Keith's, bringing them to a standstill. "Let me," he said, and he moved his hands down his front ( _buttons_ , Keith thought distantly, but he didn't have any context for the word) and then Shiro sat up and got rid of the jacket but his face was right in front of Keith's again so Keith kissed him, long and slow and he could feel Shiro moaning around his tongue. Shiro's hands were around his waist again but now they were pushing under his shirt and oh, Shiro was touching his skin and Keith liked that, wanted more of it, and he squirmed where he was sitting on Shiro's lap and Shiro groaned again and everything felt so good, this was good, this was _perfect_.

Shiro broke their kiss and before Keith could complain about it he quickly grabbed at Keith's shirt and pulled it up, up, Keith raised his arms up and Shiro pulled it off and now Shiro was touching him everywhere, hands skimming over his back and his sides and his chest and his stomach and Keith's hands were on Shiro's shoulders just to have something to hold on to, he looked at Shiro's face but Shiro was leaning in and pressing a kiss to Keith's collarbone, which wasn't something he'd ever considered could be kissed but he wanted Shiro to kiss him everywhere and Shiro seemed to agree, moving his mouth to the hollow of Keith's throat, his left pectoral, his right shoulder, Keith couldn't get enough of it, and he wanted to do the same but Shiro was still wearing a shirt and that was stupid, didn't he already take something off? Keith started pulling at it and Shiro stopped kissing Keith's stomach long enough to see what he was doing, and then he smiled and leaned back but Keith needed to taste that smile so he had to wait a little bit longer to get Shiro's shirt off.

Shiro's hands were cradling the back of Keith's head while they kissed, and as nice as that was Keith was desperate to soothe the fire in his bloodstream so he pitched himself forward until Shiro was lying down again and Keith was still pressed against him, and then he spread his legs a little wider over Shiro's hips and rolled his own and Shiro _jolted_ and suddenly his hands were pulling at Keith's hips instead and he was groaning into Keith's mouth and pushing his hips up and that was definitely Shiro's erection pressed against his own and Keith couldn't take it, he tore his mouth away from Shiro's and sat up, rocking his hips back and forth without thought, just needing to chase the feeling that was surging through him, and Shiro's voice was a low, wordless moan running through his veins.

Keith was lost in the heady fog of it, of seeing his arousal mirrored in Shiro's fervent gaze and swollen lips. He remembered dimly that he had been trying to get Shiro's shirt off, so he pushed his hands underneath it and ran them up to Shiro's chest, letting out his own moans when that made Shiro buck up into him. He ground down even harder in response, and Shiro's fingers seemed to bite into his hips through the thin fabric of his pajama pants, encouraging him to move faster. Keith gave himself over to that wordless instruction, rubbing himself against Shiro at a frenzied pace and digging his nails into Shiro's chest, his stomach, any part of his skin that Keith could reach.

" _Keith_ ," Shiro said helplessly, and Keith found that he was growling in the back of his throat, he was so close and he needed to bring Shiro with him, needed to see the moment when Shiro fell apart. Keith worked one of his legs in between Shiro's and when he rolled his hips they both groaned like the sound was being torn out of them. Keith let himself collapse on top of Shiro and he put his mouth back on Shiro's neck, biting into the soft skin at the juncture of his shoulder, thrusting furiously against Shiro and Shiro was moving against him too, one hand twisted into his hair and the other on his ass, squeezing to the rhythm that Keith was setting.

Keith's head, his skin, every part of him was buzzing and he knew he couldn't last much longer, he was seconds away from falling apart, pressed so close to Shiro that he could feel the sweat building between their stomachs. Shiro had tucked his face against the side of Keith's head and was panting into his ear, breath stuttering whenever Keith scraped his teeth over a mark he'd made on Shiro's neck. He scratched his fingers up Shiro's sides, rocking into him at an almost violent pace and he was almost there, he just needed something, anything—

And Shiro suddenly let out a strangled moan and bucked up _hard_ into Keith, and Keith propped himself up on his arms just in time to look down and see Shiro's face twist up in a rapture that looked almost like pain and oh, yes, that was what Keith needed, and he kept that moment in the forefront of his mind as he fell back onto Shiro, thrust a few more times and then came. The pulsing that had been living under his skin for weeks seemed to burst out of him in that moment and he screamed, the release so pleasurable and all-consuming that he couldn't feel any part of his body anymore, couldn't think, could barely even recognize that he was falling into unconsciousness, the only thing that he could hold on to was the memory of Shiro's expression and how perfectly _right_ it had felt to be the one to put it there.

 

Keith came back to himself slowly, and the first thing he noticed was that the buzzing was finally, blissfully gone. He had done it, then, and the relief of being in control of his body again was so powerful that it took him several more seconds to remember how exactly he had fulfilled the conditions of his Galran biology. _Oh no_ , he thought, _oh no no NO GOD DAMN IT NO_. His body tensed and his eyes snapped open.

He was still lying on top of Shiro, and that fact alone was almost enough to send him into hysterics. One of Shiro's arms was curled around Keith's back, and he was stroking the skin there soothingly, though his hand gradually stilled when he felt that Keith had woken up. Keith squeezed his eyes shut again, wanting more than anything to somehow know how to navigate this situation.

"Keith?" Shiro said questioningly, and oh god, his voice was raspy and layered with so much care it made Keith's eyes sting. Keith took in a deep breath and pushed himself up onto his knees, feeling like he should at least put some space between them for the conversation they needed to have, but then he made the mistake of opening his eyes again, and what he saw made him flinch back in wide-eyed horror.

Shiro looked a mess. No, that was putting it lightly. Shiro looked like he had picked a fight with something and barely survived; his hair was in complete disarray, his lips were red and obviously swollen, there were large bruises and bite marks on his neck, and (Keith's eyes unwillingly traced down Shiro's body) his undershirt was pushed up to the top of his chest, revealing several sets of long red streaks along his torso. Keith's breathing was picking up and his stomach was beginning to roil threateningly. Had he really done all of that?

Shiro seemed to guess at the turn Keith's thoughts had taken, because he said Keith's name again more firmly and sat up, reaching out to set a placating hand on Keith's shoulder. But his movement made Keith aware of something else, that he was still straddling Shiro's hips and the front of his pajamas were slightly damp and oh _god_ , he'd gotten off by tearing into Shiro's skin and humping him like a savage dog.

Keith's stomach churned again and he had to get away now, before he could make this any more traumatic for either one of them. He pushed Shiro's hand away and clumsily got to his feet, stumbling as he ran to the bathroom and lowered himself in front of the toilet, already heaving from the disgust over what he had done and how he had ruined his relationship with the most important person in his life.

Since he hadn't had anything to eat or drink in several days, he just ended up retching drily for several seconds, coughing into the toilet bowl and trying to regain control of his breathing. Distantly he was aware that Shiro must have gotten out of bed and was walking around the house, but Keith was too caught up in his misery to spare much of a thought for what he was doing. He had just begun to breathe normally again when he heard Shiro enter the bathroom, and then he felt a tentative touch against his shoulder that was so gentle it made him want to cry.

"Keith," Shiro said, and when Keith turned to him he found a glass of water in front of his face. "Here, rinse your mouth out and then drink the rest of this. Take your time. I'll be in the living room, okay?"

Keith nodded and took the glass, not trusting himself to say anything or even to make eye contact, though his eyes were so wet that he probably wouldn't have been able to see Shiro's expression anyway. Shiro hesitated for a moment and then stood up and left the room, and Keith heard him shut the bedroom door on his way out. Releasing a long breath, Keith put the glass down and scrubbed angrily at his eyes; what right did he have to cry when this entire situation was his fault? If only he hadn't been such an idiot and waited so long, he could have figured out how to take care of this problem with someone else; instead, he had let himself get into a state where he had barely been able to think, and Shiro had become the victim of it.

Hating himself intensely, Keith picked up the glass again and did as Shiro suggested, spitting the first mouthful out and then drinking the rest slowly. The worst part about this, he thought, was that Shiro would _not_ hate him, and Keith wasn't sure whether he'd be able to survive Shiro's hatred or his kindness and pity more easily. It was distressingly easy to picture Shiro telling him that everything was all right, that nothing would change between them, that he didn't like or respect Keith any less after what had happened, but Keith knew he would never forgive himself. He had used Shiro, had torn him apart, and the reason Keith truly hated himself for it was because there was still a part of him that was happy to have touched Shiro like that, the way he'd always dreamed of. There was a part of him that had _liked_ it.

Keith spent a few more minutes with his wretched thoughts, but he knew that prolonging this wasn't fair to either of them, so he finished the water and then got to his feet. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he was slightly comforted to see that his eyes were now back to normal, as were his teeth when he opened his mouth to check. With an unpleasant jolt he considered what the encounter must have been like for Shiro, a former prisoner of the Galra, having those yellow eyes and bared fangs looming over him. Keith sighed; there was just no end to all of the wrongs he had committed.

What Keith really wanted to do at the moment was take a shower, to try and scrub the past month from his body, but he couldn't just leave Shiro sitting out there worrying about him, so instead he went back into the bedroom and found some of his old clothes to change into. When Shiro had gone back to the base, he decided, he was going to take the pajamas he had been wearing out into the desert and burn them.

Now that he was dressed, he had run out of reasons to stall, so he took a few focusing breaths and then walked out of the room. He paused at the end of the hallway and looked into the living room, watching Shiro sit on the couch, his posture stiff and his face pinched and weary. He had straightened out his shirt and put his jacket back on, though he hadn't buttoned it back up. For some reason this detail came close to undoing Keith, and he had a brief image of himself sliding onto Shiro's lap and pushing the jacket back off his shoulders and kissing him softly.

 _No_ , Keith told himself sternly, _enough of that_. He could no longer blame these kinds of fantasies on his Galran half; it was time to get himself back under control. He took a breath, released it, and then entered the room.

Shiro looked up and relaxed his features immediately upon seeing him, but Keith could feel the apprehension growing within him, wondering how to get Shiro to be honest with him instead of trying to spare Keith's feelings. Keith didn't have a real hope of maintaining their close friendship, but they still needed to work together for the sake of defending the universe, and Keith didn't want to risk any lingering repercussions from today interfering with an important mission in the future.

"Hey," Shiro said softly, "how are you feeling?"

Keith shrugged, coming to stand in the middle of the room. He didn't want to get too close to Shiro, afraid of making Shiro uncomfortable. "Better," he said, and then lapsed into awkward silence again.

Shiro nodded, eyes warm as they took Keith in. "You look better," he said, and then he too seemed to find it difficult to keep talking. He sat up a little straighter, and as he moved Keith could see the marks he had left on Shiro's neck; a cold wave of revulsion and self-loathing ran through him.

A few more torturous seconds passed. Shiro was still looking at him, and Keith felt like he was moments away from dropping to his knees and begging Shiro's forgiveness. He needed to say _something_ , needed to break this horrible silence before the weight of it crushed them both. He took a breath.

"Look–," he started, but Shiro had begun talking at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Keith," he said, and Keith shut his mouth with a snap. _What?_ Shiro's face had changed, features projecting remorse and regret, and Keith couldn't stand it.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he said, trying to keep the anger he felt at himself out of his voice. Of course Shiro was blaming himself, he always took responsibility when Keith had messed up. Keith needed to make him understand that it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't find the right words, and Shiro was shaking his head sadly.

"I do," Shiro said heavily. "I initiated everything that happened, even though you clearly were not in a state where you could make that decision. I don't think you could have said no even if you wanted to."

"I wouldn't have said no," Keith replied sharply, unable to completely keep the heat from his voice this time. "I wanted it too."

But Shiro wasn't having it. "Even so, I did something unforgiveable. You don't owe me any explanations, Keith, there is no excuse for using you like that."

"You weren't _using me_ , Shiro," Keith said. He was breathing too quickly. "I was the one using _you_. If anyone has a right to feel upset right now it's you, not me."

" _Keith_ ," Shiro said, frustration beginning to creep in, "you don't need to protect me from this. I was in the wrong."

Keith's temper flared. "No you weren't!" he yelled. "You don't understand, Shiro, you saved my life!"

Shiro seemed taken aback by that. "What?" he said, eyebrows coming together in puzzlement.

"You saved my life," Keith repeated. "The reason I've been acting so crazy the past few weeks is because..." he paused, closed his eyes. He couldn't look at Shiro when he said this. "It's because I'm half-Galra, and there's something that happens to us when we're 21, something that takes over our bodies and minds. In order to get rid of it we have to have sex with someone that we care about, or we'll die." This was never going to get any less embarrassing to talk about, he thought, and he could feel warmth spread over his face.

Shiro was apparently too shocked to speak. Eventually he said "Oh," his voice sounding small and far away. Keith bit down on his lip and risked opening his eyes again; Shiro's face was a mask of confusion, and he was also blushing slightly.

"Is that why you were avoiding everyone?" he asked, and Keith nodded.

"I had to," Keith said. "I was too afraid I would do something to someone if I didn't get away."

Shiro nodded. "So this is something that all Galra go through?"

"Yeah," Keith said. "I didn't know what was happening to me at first, I thought I had some kind of space disease. My mom had to explain it to me."

Shiro nodded again, but then his expression shifted suddenly into one of acute concern. "But it's been days since you talked to her!" he said. "Why didn't you let us know? Everyone on the team cares about you, Keith, you didn't need to suffer alone."

Keith felt himself flush a little more. "I know, but what was I supposed to do? Show up in the lounge and ask if anyone wanted to fuck me? Besides, I could barely keep my thoughts together at that point."

"Right, sorry," Shiro said immediately, looking sympathetic and faintly ashamed. "I'm not trying to blame you or say that you did anything wrong, Keith. I just wish we hadn't left you by yourself."

"It's okay," Keith said, happy to keep the conversation away from what they had done earlier. "I was the one who chose to isolate myself until it got this bad, that's on me."

"Is that why you came out here?" Shiro asked.

"No, I didn't mean for that to happen," Keith said with a grimace. "When I said I couldn't keep my thoughts together I meant it, I don't really have any memory of how I got out here."

"Oh, wow," Shiro said, and he gave an uneasy chuckle. "You scared us a little, tearing out of the building and swiping a car like that. I was afraid I was going to find you wrecked in the bottom of a ditch."

Keith took in the haunted look on Shiro's face and felt his mouth go dry, considering for the first time how his reckless escape from the Garrison must have looked to the others. Keith had been acting erratically, withdrawn from all human contact, and then one day burst from his room and stolen a car to speed off into the desert; it was no wonder Shiro had looked so terrified when he had first entered the house. If their situations had been reversed, Keith knew he would have acted the exact same way.

"Shiro, I'm _so sorry_ ," he said miserably, tears beginning to sting at his eyes. "I never wanted any of you to worry about me, but because I made such stupid decisions–"

"No, Keith," Shiro interrupted, getting to his feet, "none of that was your fault! You can't blame yourself–"

"It _was_ my fault!" Keith cut across Shiro, not knowing what he was about to say but no longer caring; all he knew was that he couldn't let Shiro go another minute without understanding the truth. "I knew how I wanted to fix it, knew that I was going to continue losing my mind until I did something about it, and I let it happen anyway. I've been a terrible leader and a terrible friend and I need you to stop blaming yourself already, Shiro, because you didn't do anything wrong!"

He realized too late that he was shouting, and stopped himself with a ragged intake of breath. Shiro was staring at him with his mouth open, looking like he desperately wanted to interrupt Keith again but was afraid to do so. Keith bit his lip, deciding to just come out with it already.

"Shiro," he said, and his insides felt frozen. "The reason I let myself get into such a bad condition is because I knew all along that I wanted you to be the one that helped me with it, but I was too cowardly to tell you."

"Keith," Shiro said, and started to say more but Keith shook his head jerkily, forcing himself to meet Shiro's gaze.

"Let me finish," he said. "I wanted it to be you because I love you."

Shiro's eyes widened at that, and Keith lost his nerve, dropping his own gaze to the floor. "I have for a long time," he continued, "and I think that's why the...whatever I was going through, always seemed to affect me more when I was near you. I should have been honest with you but I started avoiding you instead, and because I waited so long you basically didn't have a choice except to go along with it."

" _Keith_ ," Shiro said again, and Keith looked up at him, couldn't do anything else when his voice sounded so full of wonder. His eyes were _sparkling_. "You love me?"

Keith could feel his face heating up again. "Yeah," he said, trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart. "I mean, yes, I do, but that doesn't matter, I still took advantage of you and..."

He trailed off because Shiro had taken a step towards him, and another, and then he was standing in front of Keith, carefully bringing his hands up to the sides of Keith's face and tilting his head down and _oh_ , Keith had never dared to imagine a kiss as tender as this one. He tried to match Shiro's gentleness but his heart was pounding now and before he knew it he had tangled his hands into the sides of Shiro's jacket and was pulling him closer, kissing back hungrily.

After a few moments Shiro broke away with a shiver, pressing his forehead to Keith's and breathing out harshly. His face was pinched in apology but he had brought his hands down to Keith's waist and was effectively petting him.

"I'm sorry," Shiro said, eyes closed. "I should have asked first, I don't know what I'm doing."

Keith laughed. "Shiro, it's fine, you don't need to–"

"I love you too, you know," Shiro continued as if Keith hadn't said anything, and Keith froze. Shiro was still petting his sides but he pulled his head back a little, giving Keith a clear view of his nervous smile and the blush spreading across his cheeks. "I, uh, should have told you earlier, but I didn't want to burden you with my feelings if you hated what we did earlier."

Keith grinned slowly, uncontrollably, feeling like something that he had been aching for had slotted into place inside him, making him whole. "I told you before, I _wanted_ it," he said, enjoying how Shiro's blush spread even further at the words. "I loved what we did earlier, and I'd love to do it again now that I can actually think straight."

"I see," Shiro said, the nervous smile growing into something a little more confident, a little sharper. Keith ran his hands down Shiro's front until they reached the hem of his shirt, and then he pushed them up underneath it, marveling at the sensation of deliberately touching Shiro's skin. _I can do this now_ , he thought giddily, and then he stepped fully into Shiro, tucking his face against Shiro's chest and wrapping his arms around him, sighing contentedly. Shiro brought his own arms up around Keith's back and held him close, resting his head on top of Keith's as they lost themselves in the embrace.

A few minutes passed, and then Shiro said "By the way, I called back to the base when I was out here earlier to let them know we were all right. No one is expecting us until tomorrow." His tone was light, but Keith could feel the sudden increase in Shiro's heart rate against his cheek, and he found he was grinning again.

"Is that so?" he murmured, and without warning he lowered one of his hands to Shiro's ass and _squeezed_. Shiro jerked against him, making a startled noise in his throat, so Keith did it one more time before pulling back. The look on Shiro's face was indescribable; a mixture of fondness, amusement, interest, and yeah, now that Keith was looking for it, love. He stretched forward a little and kissed Shiro, just because he could, and Shiro kissed him back. Keith had never dreamed it might be this easy.

After several long moments, Keith broke the kiss and looked up at Shiro again. "Well," he said teasingly, "I can't match your fancy quarters back at the Garrison, captain, but I do have a bed if you want to crash for the night."

Shiro laughed. "I would love to," he said seriously, and then he pulled Keith back to him and kissed him like he never wanted to do anything else. Keith gave in happily; there would be more for them to talk about, things they needed to make clear to each other, but all that would come later. Right now, he was standing in Shiro's arms, exactly where he'd always wanted to be, and it had only taken a near-death situation to get him there.

Keith smiled into the kiss, remembering the panicked desperation of only a few hours ago, and marveling that they'd ended up like this. He knew he could have made better choices throughout the whole ordeal, but he couldn't help feeling that if it led to this moment, it had all been worth it.

 

The next day, after they'd returned, after he'd met with the team and apologized for neglecting his duties and worrying them, after he'd let the marks on Shiro's neck and his own embarrassed smile answer the questions that none of them could bring themselves to voice, Krolia found him and peeled him away from the group.

"You would have saved yourself some grief if you'd just done taken my advice right away," she said, her voice exasperated but her eyes shining with bright, clear amusement. Keith ducked his head and she took the opportunity to wrap her arms around him, rocking him slightly.

"I'm very happy for you, Keith," she continued quietly, and Keith returned her hug fiercely, grinning into her shoulder.

"Thanks, mom," he said. Across the room, Shiro glanced up and met his eyes, giving him a heart-melting smile before turning back to his conversation with Pidge.

Krolia let him go and stepped back, giving Keith an appraising look. "You and Shiro had sex again after fulfilling the urge, didn't you?"

" _Mom!_ " Keith yelled as quietly as he could, feeling his face go hot. Krolia had the nerve to laugh at him.

"That's what I thought," she said slyly, and then stood up straighter. "I need to head over to the Blade's base now, but you should come visit us later."

Keith nodded and hugged her goodbye. Krolia started walking away, but after a few steps she turned and added "Bring Shiro; the new arrivals would love to be introduced to your husband."

"My _what?_ " Keith squawked, but Krolia just laughed again and kept walking away. Keith hurried after her. "That was a joke, right mom? _Mom?_ "

Krolia put her hand on his cheek as they reached the door. "I love you, Keith," she said. "See you later!" Keith could only stand there in shock as she left, wondering if that could possibly be true. It couldn't, right? _How many weird customs could the Galra possibly have?!_

"Hey," he heard from behind him, and he turned to see Shiro standing by his shoulder. Keith sighed and leaned against him. "Everything okay?" Shiro asked, eyebrows drawn together in concern.

"Yeah," Keith said. "Well, we might be married now, unless my mom was just messing with me."

Shiro hummed, and when Keith looked up at him he saw that Shiro was staring at nothing in particular, an easy smile on his face.

"Marriage, huh?" Shiro said, and he was still smiling when he looked at Keith. "It's a little quick, but I'm okay with it."

Keith threw his head back and laughed. It wasn't at all the reaction Keith was expecting, but it was somehow, strangely, perfect.

"Me too," he said, returning Shiro's happy grin. "I'll get you a ring at some point, it wouldn't be right if we were only Galra-married."

"I can't wait," Shiro said earnestly, and Keith couldn't help it, he turned to fully face Shiro, put his hands up to the sides of his face, and kissed him. In the background he could vaguely hear the reactions of their teammates but he didn't care. He loved Shiro, and Shiro loved him; that was the only thing that mattered.

More conflict and danger lay in front of them, Keith knew. Somewhere out in the depths of space there was a war waiting for them, but they were going to face it together, and they were going to win. Today, it was enough to be able to kiss Shiro in a Garrison lounge, to hold his gaze through the exuberant congratulations from their teammates, to know that Shiro's beaming face was for him and him alone.

 

Later, when they went to meet the newly-arrived Blades, Keith called Shiro his husband. Krolia started giggling from where she was sitting at the back of the room, and Shiro nudged his hand into Keith's, giving it a gentle squeeze.

 _I guess we're going with it_ , he thought, and it wasn't until halfway through Shiro's welcome speech that he realized he was grinning. Biting down on it a little, he looked at their still-joined hands and brushed his thumb lightly against Shiro's finger. Shiro didn't pause in his speech, but he gave Keith a brief glance and flashed him a smile.

Yeah, Keith thought, smiling back. They were going to be just fine.


End file.
